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Joke - The Green Thing

Discussion in 'General' started by ishkey, Feb 28, 2012.

  1. ishkey

    ishkey Moderator, Logos, Sports Crests Staff Member Verified Member

    The Green Thing

    Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman, that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

    The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in my earlier days."

    The clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."

    She was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.

    Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

    We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.

    Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that young lady is right; we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

    Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana . In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.

    We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn't have the green thing back then.

    Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 22,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.

    But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?

    Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a Smart Aleck young person.

    Remember: Don't make old People mad.

    We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to tick us off.
    CovertPea and Mimoun like this.
  2. tomw

    tomw Member

    When we moved from the city to the suburb thirty years ago I cut the lawn with a push mower. The kids in the neighborhood loved it because it was so quiet but everyone else would stop a stare and always someone would offer to use one of their own. I did not stand my ground and bought one of those that needed to be fired up but now we do go shopping with one of those green things.
  3. tomw

    tomw Member

    I find that disgusting as well. Not to mention not too clever shameless promotion. I wonder the mods can delete this post; or a least cover up the disgusting part. :mad::eek: :censored:

    I haven’t had breakfast yet. I think I will wait till noon for lunch; if I can manage not thinking about this joke.
  4. tomw

    tomw Member

    Thanks for removing that post. There is no problem of adding jokes into this thread. Like most people, I enjoy a good laugh but not something that some people might find offensive.
  5. CovertPea

    CovertPea Moderator Staff Member Verified Member

    You is most welcome Mr. Tom!
  6. tomw

    tomw Member

    Thanks CP. Like most members here, I enjoy the discussion in various topics. Learn a bit from reading the postings like those of graphic designs; and have a good laugh like the one Mr. Ishkey posted here. But we should set a limit so all could visit without being embarrassed or upset. Thanks again for helping to keep the forum clean.
  7. ishkey

    ishkey Moderator, Logos, Sports Crests Staff Member Verified Member

    Age and cunning always trump youth and technology.

    A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

    The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.
    So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.

    The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

    The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun...."I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says.

    This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

    The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"

    The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

    Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

    The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.

    He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

    He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.

    The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

    The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

    You know you're going to send this one on.
    Don't mess with seniors!
  8. ishkey

    ishkey Moderator, Logos, Sports Crests Staff Member Verified Member

    Goodbye Mom

    A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around.
    If he stopped, she stopped.
    Furthermore, she kept staring at him.

    She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."

    He answered, "That's okay."

    "I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."

    She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."

    The little old lady waved and smiled back at him.

    Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.

    "That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.

    "How come so much? I only bought 5 items."

    The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."
    CovertPea likes this.
  9. ishkey

    ishkey Moderator, Logos, Sports Crests Staff Member Verified Member

    It's Not the Diet Plans I use nor the Food I eat…

    I have finally figured out why I am fat! I should have figured it out
    sooner. It's the shampoo I use in the shower. When I wash my hair,
    the shampoo runs down my whole body. Printed very clearly on the
    shampoo label it reads, "FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY."

    I have gotten rid of the shampoo and I am going to start using Dawn
    dish soap. On its label it reads, "DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE

    Remember you know this true because you read on the net.
  10. 1970Forest

    1970Forest Moderator Staff Member

    An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife,
    Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here.
    CovertPea and ishkey like this.
  11. tomw

    tomw Member

    Found this newspaper clipping:
  12. navyfalcon

    navyfalcon Well-Known Member Verified Member

    Remember when grandparents and great-grandparents stated that they "only" had an 8th grade education?

    Well, check this out.

    Look what it took to get an 8th grade education in 1895; this is what you were expected to KNOW.

    Could any of us have passed the 8th grade in 1895?

    Can You Pass This Test Now?

    This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 in Salina, Kansas, USA. It was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina, KS, and reprinted by the Salina Journal.

    8th Grade Final Exam: Salina, KS -1895
    Grammar (Time, one hour)

    1. Give nine rules for the use of capital letters.
    2. Name the parts of speech and define those that have no modifications.
    3. Define verse, stanza and paragraph
    4. What are the principal parts of a verb? Give principal parts
    of"lie,""play," and "run."
    5. Define case; Illustrate each case.
    6 What is punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of punctuation.
    7 - 10. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you
    understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.

    Arithmetic (Time, 1.25 hours)

    1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
    2. A wagon box is 2 ft. deep, 10 feet long, and 3 ft. wide. How many
    bushels of wheat will it hold?
    3. If a load of wheat weighs 3942 lbs., what is it worth at
    50cts/bushel, deducting 1050 lbs. for tare?
    4. District No. 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary
    levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104
    for incidentals?
    5. Find the cost of 6720 lbs. coal at $6.00 per ton.
    6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent.
    7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft. long at $20
    per meter?
    8. Find bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
    9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance of
    which is 640 rods?
    10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt.

    U.S. History (Time, 45 minutes)

    1. Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided.
    2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus.
    3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
    4. Show the territorial growth of the United States.
    5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas.
    6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.
    7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton, Bell, Lincoln, Penn,
    and Howe?
    8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800,
    1849, 1865.

    Orthography (Time, one hour) Do we even know what this is??

    1. What is meant by the following: Alphabet, phonetic, orthography,
    etymology, syllabication
    2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?
    3. What are the following, and give examples of each: Trigraph,
    subvocals, diphthong, cognate letters, linguals
    4. Give four substitutes for caret 'u.' (HUH?)
    5. Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e.' Name two exceptions
    under each rule.
    6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
    7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: bi,
    dis, mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, sup.
    8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name
    the sign that indicates the sound: card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell,
    rise, blood, fare, last.
    9. Use the following correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight, fane,
    fain, feign, vane, vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
    10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation
    by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.

    Geography (Time, one hour)

    1 What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
    2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas?
    3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
    4. Describe the mountains of North America
    5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia, Odessa, Denver, Manitoba,
    Hecla, Yukon, St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall and Orinoco.
    6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S.
    7. Name all the republics of Europe and give the capital of each.
    8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same
    9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the
    sources of rivers.
    10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give the inclination of the

    Notice that the exam took FIVE HOURS to complete. Gives the saying "he only had an 8th grade education" a whole new meaning, doesn't it?

    "Grace is the wonderful spirit that imbues every fiber of our being when we practice the fruits of the spirit: kindness, patience, understanding, forgiveness, love, gentleness, fellowship and endurance."
    Edgar Cayce
  13. navyfalcon

    navyfalcon Well-Known Member Verified Member

    Consider the following, a certification examination for prospective teachers, prepared by the Examiners of Teachers for the Public Schools
    in Zanesville, Ohio, in the late 1870s:

    English Grammar

    1. Analyze the following and parse words in italics
    I cannot tell if to depart in silence,
    Or bitterly to speak in your reproof,
    Best fitteth my degree or your condition.

    2. Write the following in prose, and parse the verb awaits:
    The boast of heraldry, the pomp of power,
    And all that beauthy, all that wealth e'er gave,
    Awaits alike th' inevitable hour:
    The paths of glory lead but to the grave.

    3. Give a brief example of a compound and a complex sentence. Give the rule for the use of the subjunctive mood.

    4. Define and give the etymology of verb, prounoun, conjunction and adverb. Give example of a defective, an auxillary, an impersonal and a
    redudant verb. How many kinds of prounous are there? Give examples of each.

    5. Prior has the following sentence. State it if be good grammar. If not, why? It it be, parse the word than:
    Thou art a girl as much brighter than her,
    As he is a poet sublimer than me.

    6. Give rule for forming plural of nouns ending in "y," with examples. Give plurals of staff, radius, miasma, Miss White, rendezvous,
    talisman, loaf, grief, seraph, Mussulman, forceps, spoonful, who, beef, s, x, 6, and madam. Also give the singulars of kine, ashes,
    banditi [sic], swine, animalcula.

    7. Compare chief, much, former, far, forth, next, round, up, ill, full.

    8. Give the feminines of abbot, earl, duke, lad, marquis, hero, tiger, nephew, testator, bachelor, wizard, and ox.

    9. Write the past tense and past participle of these verbs:
    Lay, Seek, Sit, Get, Dare,
    Thrive, Lie, Set, Light, Loose,
    Fly, Flee, Chide, Overflow, Catch,
    Lose, Swim, Climb, Drink, Stay,
    Leap, Quit, Swell, Burst, Eat.

    10. Define metonymy, catachresis, and hyberbole; and state the difference between a metaphor and a simile.

    11. Punctuate the following lines:
    But when I ask the trembling question
    Will you be mine my dearest Miss
    Then may there be no hesitation
    But say distinctly Yes Sir yes.

    12. Parse the three "thats" in the following sentence:
    He that fears that dog thinks that he is mad.
    Also parse the word "but" in each of the following:
    There was no one but saw him;
    We ran, but he stopped;
    All ran but Peter;
    If you did but know it.

    13. Correct the following:
    (a) Although I persuaded the old man, he refused to yield, and I expect he divided his estate between his 3 daughters. His example, though
    he meant well, is calculated to have a bad effect.
    (b) As I laid down I seen the smoke rising over the way.
    (c) Whom do you say that I am? or who do you take me to be?
    (d) John and James were both there, though neither were invited.
    (e) As water is froze easier than alcohol, so riches are easier acquired than a good name.
    (f) Between you and I, there is some mystery about that fire last night. Did you hear where it was at? I am glad none of my friends were
    in the house. I should be sorry if either James or William were inculpated in setting it on fire.


    1. Give etymology of orthography. What are mutes, labials, and liquids, and why so called?

    2. Give meaning of the prefixes, ante, anti, circum, quad, proto, oct, trans, sym, and con.

    3. Form derivatives of prefer, begin, stop, run, defy, abridge, tie, and die, with the suffix ing or ed.

    4. Write a word containing a diphthong, one containing a digraph, and one containing a trigraph.

    5. Define accent, and mark the accent on the words: inverse, diverse, adverse, reverse, obverse, calcine, piquant, orthoepy, abdomen,
    acclimated, area, salutatory, accessary, gondola, illustrate, prolix, portent, inquiry, contemplated, expert, extant.

    6. Spell the words (given orally)


    Put all your work on the paper and make it explain itself.

    1. Define integer, fraction, interest, discount, power, and root.

    2. What effect has multiplying both terms of a fraction by the same number, and why; and why in dividing one fraction by another do you
    invert the divisor and multiply the terms together?

    3. If A's age were increased by its 3/7 its 4/5 and 19, the sum would equal 2-1/2 times his age; required his age.

    4. Multiply 7/8 by .000018 and divide the product by 27 millionths.

    5. 32 men agree to construct 28 miles 4 furlongs and 32 rods of road; after completing one-half of it, one-fourth of the number of men
    left the company, what distance did each man construct before and after one-fourth of the men left?

    6. A man drives 97 pegs on a straight line and spaces them 3 ft. 8 in. apart. What is the distance from the first peg to the last peg,
    lowest terms?

    7. A man receives $65 interest for the use of $600 for 3 years, 7 months, and 15 days. What is rate per cent.?

    8. What is due on the following note?
    $1200 Zanesville, O., December 10, 1871.
    One year after date I promise to pay to the order of Richard Roe twelve hundred dollars, value received.

    9. Give the rule for obtaining the difference of time, having the difference of longitude, and vice versa, and give the reasons for the

    10. A square lot containing 54,756 square feet is surrounded by a close board fence 12 feet high. What would the boards cost at $13 per


    1. Where does the earth have the greatest diameter?

    2. Why do we reckon 180 degrees of longitude and only 90 of latitude?

    3. What is meant by the equinoxes?

    4. Locate the Crimea, Bombay, Bay of Fundy, and the Capital of Mississippi.

    5. Into what three functions is the government of the United States divided? — define each function.

    6. Describe and locate the Indus and Niger rivers.

    7. Through what waters would a ship pass in going from Duluth to Odessa?

    8. Bound France and give five of its chief cities.

    9. Name the New England states and locate their capitals.

    10. Define equator, zone, latitude, and longitude.

    11. Into what bodies of water do the following rivers flow: The Danube, Rhone, Volga, Tiber, Rio Grande, Jordan, and Mahoning.

  14. tomw

    tomw Member

    So where is the punchline? o_O
  15. navyfalcon

    navyfalcon Well-Known Member Verified Member


    So where is the punchline?
    Our modern schools
  16. tomw

    tomw Member

    Thanks. I guess I’m not smart enough to see that. :notworthy:
  17. navyfalcon

    navyfalcon Well-Known Member Verified Member

    That is probably because you went to school when they taught and we learned.
    My wife went to school in a one room schoolhouse. And yes, they had it in the back, and sometimes you walked in the snow (or ran). And we had kerosene lamps and McGuffy readers and also read from the Bible. Had the pledge of allegiance and prayer.
    Old enough to know Noah by his first name because I was first mate on the ark.

    P.S. yes the bottom deck did smell
  18. CovertPea

    CovertPea Moderator Staff Member Verified Member

    Interesting read there NF. Apparently my high school education was grossly inadequate!

    I'm gunna lay down now 'cause my head hurts.
  19. ishkey

    ishkey Moderator, Logos, Sports Crests Staff Member Verified Member

    Can you say "Little House on the Prairie"
    (one room schoolhouse, kerosene lamps) sounds Amish or the Rural Electrification Act (1936) missed that area.
  20. tomw

    tomw Member

    When I was a child, the printing press hasn’t been invented yet, neither were pen and ink. There were no text books for the lessons. Everything was etched in stone. It took me two days just to put down my name and my name is X. Now some people use my name to show others where to sign theirs. My pet was named
    ishkey likes this.